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[everythinglost]

Call for a good time

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[everythinglost]

Fitz frowns a moment, searching through his mental Rolodex of times he's been badly hurt. It's a long list, and he's learned not to dwell on these things.

"You mean when that idiot summoned up parts of hell or whatever because he didn't remember the first rule of magic?" He firmly places the blame for that experience on Hanna.

[todayiwas]

She doesn't laugh. She just grits her teeth a little.

"Yes," she says. "But I remember. I was the one who hurt...you. I did it because I wanted to. Because I let the madness take me in and it felt...good. But it doesn't now. It hasn't for a while. I hate myself for what I did to you."

[everythinglost]

Fitz needs a moment to process that, because it's not something he's thought about. He doesn't like thinking about getting hurt, under any circumstances. He folds those memories away. The most he thought of it was to be glad that Madelyne healed him so he could better avoid thinking of it as there was no one to bring it up. If he had been found by someone less ready to let things lie...

If he had been left like that (blinded and in agonizing pain that helped wipe out any thought whether it was a who or a what behind it) -

"You know, that was almost exactly a year ago." He needs a further moment to process what he feels about it. He looks up again to meet her eyes. "You wouldn't do it again."

[todayiwas]

When he looks at her, she's crying. Soft and quiet, but crying nonetheless. She wipes them away as soon as she notices him looking, not wanting him to feel an ounce of pity for her.

"Never," she tells him firmly. "I was - a different person a year ago. I didn't understand anything. It doesn't make it right, though. I know. I have caused you so much pain, Fitz. When all I want is to make you happy."

[everythinglost]

She can’t stop him from feeling pity, because he loves her.

Maybe it would be different if she had come to him sooner. Maybe it would be different if she wasn’t telling him herself.

Fitz does do his best to close himself away from pain. But he hadn’t known, not in any way that mattered. They’re so much closer now. They had spoken of the things that had shaped them. They had spoken on violence. Perhaps their closeness having contained this secret should make Fitz less forgiving, but he is who he is.

He cares enough to think about it before answering.

“You do make me happy. I don’t believe you’d hurt me again, and that matters a lot. I know you care.” He pauses a moment. “I love you.” That’s still just as true now.

[todayiwas]

"I love you," she assures him in return. "I love you enough that if you want...time or space or to end this, I would understand."

And she would. There would be no tantrums. No anger. Only acceptance.

[everythinglost]

"I know you do." He believes her and, more importantly, he believes in her. His faith is rarely bestowed, but none the weaker for that.

He steps forward, to take her hand again. "I don't. We are who we are now, and this doesn't change that. But I'm glad you told me."

[todayiwas]

She wraps her arms tightly around him then and finally does start to cry, burying her face in his shirt.

"You are awful!" she laments, feeling secure enough to be dramatic. "You should hate me!"

[everythinglost]

He olds her tight.

"What can I say? I'm an unrepentant villain. Too busy tying people to railroad tracks and trying to grow a mustache to twirl to hate you."

[todayiwas]

"I don't get that reference!" she all but wails, still holding him close. But she toys with the hair at the npe of his neck, unable to help the wet little giggle at the end of her complaint.

"Do you still want me to stay?" she wonders.

[everythinglost]

"I live a very exciting life." Not everyone gets to see cartoons in real life. He could've skipped the dynamite more than the railroad tracks, but he didn't enjoy either.

"I'd like you to."

[todayiwas]

"Will you make me that tea now?" she wonders, but like most Justine requests, it isn't really a request.

[everythinglost]

He kisses the top of her head. "Just cos it's you." He can't say 'never change', because he thinks there have been plenty of positive changes. But he loves her and her not-really-requests and times of aristocratic self-centeredness as much as he loves the rest.

[todayiwas]

She kisses his hand and finally lets herself wander inside to flop dramatically into a chair to wait.

"I can't believe Sebastian did this."

[everythinglost]

Fitz looks rather dubious at that, as he goes to start the kettle.

"I can't say I find it a huge shock."

[todayiwas]

"Well, you have always had a rather interesting read on people," she remarks.

[everythinglost]

"You have to learn quick, or suffer." He turns to grin at her. "Once you have the instinct, then you can make a choice. But butlers are very suspicious."

[todayiwas]

"I've had plenty of them," she says, waving a hand. "They are not suspicious or they do not last long."

[everythinglost]

"Don't you know? People who employ butlers are even more suspicious."

[todayiwas]

He's getting a pillow thrown at him.

[everythinglost]

Fitz laughs, as he manages to catch the pillow and tuck it under an arm.

"See? D'you know if there was anything beyond the naturally unstable nature of anyone who dresses up like a butler?"

[todayiwas]

She sighs, sinking back in the chair. "Have you ever even talked to Sebastian?" she challenges.

[everythinglost]

"I've heard him speak, so made the wise decision not to engage him in conversation. It's class solidarity."

[todayiwas]

She just rolls her eyes. "Sometimes you say things that make no sense. You would hate him. He attended to me for months, though. Before his young master came."

[everythinglost]

"I would, and I don't know that he'd delight in my charming presence as much as would be reasonable." He shakes his head. "I just think it makes people weird to be raised by servants. Also being sent away to boarding school at a young age. I'd point at the history of my country as proof of that."