He slumps down further in his chair, picking at the label on the now empty bottle of fruit juice.
"It's not like that." It's hard to try to explain what it is like, but sometimes it's worth the effort to try to make someone understand. Even if they don't understand all of it. "The Doctor's a hero, but it's in being, not action. He does a lot of heroic stuff, too, but he has that presence when just hanging around. Like a hero from the old stories, where it's not about good or bad, but that his actions are just - bigger. And Anji generally gets into doing the right thing because of morals, and because she gets irritated at people not meeting standards. But the 'routine' is just a few friends, traveling."
"Mm." His foot keeps moving restlessly. "Well... you know, I'm kind of against the whole dramatic self-sacrifice routine myself. I won't deny I'm into that whole helping out and doing what's right bit, but I'd prefer to work things so the world sucks a little less and I still get to live in it."
With his team, and the people he loves, ideally. He tilts his head to give Fitz a sidelong glance.
"Seems like you wind up getting into helping out with whatever the Doctor needs done a lot yourself? Just based on some of those stories you've told me."
Overall, Fitz has nothing against dramatic self-sacrifice - as long as it's not someone he likes. It's a good story, and he likes good stories. Some people are more valuable in death, or, at least, their deaths don't deprive the world of that much. Personally, he's almost died for the world a few times, and is happy to have (mostly) not died from it, for purely selfish reasons.
"Sure, he needs someone he can trust. You can fill in the blank with your own joke about his questionable standards."
"If he's looking for someone he can trust, I don't think he could do better," Yunlan says casually. "I'm just saying, if you three are all out there changing worlds and changing history, 'heroes' might just apply.
"I don't think you only get to count as one if you're larger than life. It's more about what you do, you know? And I've totally forgotten where we were going with this conversation," he adds.
"Plenty of people wouldn't agree with you. Most of them didn't even meet me in prison. And hero is all about other people's subjective opinion. What you do might be objectively good or bad," though he's making a real concession in saying that, "But heroism is a construct."
He shrugs. "Don't ask me, I never go anywhere with conversations." He flicks a rolled up piece of label at Yunlan. "Only one of us here goes around having ulterior motives about things."
"Well that's just a lie," Yunlan laughs, raising a hand to defend himself against the flying label chunk. "It's just that your ulterior motive is usually the baffle 'em with bullshit variety. And I just meant that nobody who's talked to you for five minutes'd think your loyalty to the Doctor is ever in question."
"That's not an ulterior motive, it's a lifestyle." It's like lying, he doesn't think it can be called for an ulterior motive if it's just an automatic response. "Practically everyone's loyal to something." Loyalty to the Doctor drives many of his actions, but, more than that, it's a fundamental part of who he is. The only part of himself he trusts in. That makes it something he wants people to know, yet, for reasons he couldn't articulate, sometimes finds difficult to acknowledge when it's pointed out.
"It's still an ulterior motive even if you don't have a long-term plan for it, Fitz," Yunlan assures him. "And you know how I know you're really, truly loyal to him?"
He points a dramatic finger without bothering to sit up from his boneless slouch, waiting for Fitz's answer.
Fitz stares blankly at him for a long moment, the question distracting him from disagreeing on the principle of enjoying pointless debates. How you can know if someone's actually loyal to something or not isn't something he tends to think about.
Fitz throws another piece of label at him, trying for a scowl but just ending up at 'sulky'.
"Now, that's just unnecessary." Going around, pointing out a person's... habits. What next, saying that Fitz likes turning things into stories so he doesn't have to think of them as things that have happened to him? This is exactly why it can be better to avoid making friends.
"But true." With a great huff of breath, he hauls himself back upright, dropping both of his feet onto the floor and considering Fitz. "...So. Meds kicked in? Feeling a little better?"
"I might not be." A stunning defense. He rubs his head. "Yeah. Thanks for that. Good thing the bar's nice and open, or I could've ended up with real damage from bootleg prison gin."
"Oof, don't tell me if there's bootleg prison gin, or if there is, at least tell me someone's testing that shit for methanol," Yunlan groans. "The last thing we need is a rash of poisonings."
"There probably is, people are into that sort of thing. But I wouldn't really know, because I'm not into getting poisoned or 'community'." He grins. "Aren't some of the new cases of teenage rebellion into magic or something? If kids today had real enterprising spirit, you'd see people poisoned all over."
"Thank you, Fitz, I needed new possible sources of gross bodily harm to worry about," Yunlan says with sincere and deep sarcasm, and scrubs both hands briefly over his face.
"Right! Anyway. I should let you get some breakfast down, and I need to get to Zero before Pagan thinks up any really good sarcastic one-liners to greet me with. But. Take care, okay?"
"I'm here to serve. And without any idea of how long the sentence is gonna be."
He grins. "Come on, you should let him have that much. Depriving a guy of his sarcastic one-liners. Try not to get overwhelmed by the massive Zero traffic."
"Yeah, thanks." He passes Yunlan the bottle, than waves him vaguely in the direction of the door.
"You can tell Pagan you were enjoying the bounties of the Barge commissary. And I'll take a nap. Should get some actual sleep... No doubt I'll have no choice but to see you around." Still, there are worse people. Even if Yunlan is pushy and doesn't have enough respect for not talking about things.
"Take care," Yunlan says, catching the bottle, tucking it under his arm, and lifting his free hand in a casual wave goodbye as he heads for Fitz's door. "You'll see me around!"
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 08:55 pm (UTC)He slumps down further in his chair, picking at the label on the now empty bottle of fruit juice.
"It's not like that." It's hard to try to explain what it is like, but sometimes it's worth the effort to try to make someone understand. Even if they don't understand all of it. "The Doctor's a hero, but it's in being, not action. He does a lot of heroic stuff, too, but he has that presence when just hanging around. Like a hero from the old stories, where it's not about good or bad, but that his actions are just - bigger. And Anji generally gets into doing the right thing because of morals, and because she gets irritated at people not meeting standards. But the 'routine' is just a few friends, traveling."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 09:04 pm (UTC)With his team, and the people he loves, ideally. He tilts his head to give Fitz a sidelong glance.
"Seems like you wind up getting into helping out with whatever the Doctor needs done a lot yourself? Just based on some of those stories you've told me."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 09:54 pm (UTC)"Sure, he needs someone he can trust. You can fill in the blank with your own joke about his questionable standards."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:28 pm (UTC)"I don't think you only get to count as one if you're larger than life. It's more about what you do, you know? And I've totally forgotten where we were going with this conversation," he adds.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:35 pm (UTC)He shrugs. "Don't ask me, I never go anywhere with conversations." He flicks a rolled up piece of label at Yunlan. "Only one of us here goes around having ulterior motives about things."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:58 pm (UTC)He points a dramatic finger without bothering to sit up from his boneless slouch, waiting for Fitz's answer.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 11:05 pm (UTC)"...No?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 11:23 pm (UTC)That's the sign of a really genuine Fitz emotion.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 11:36 pm (UTC)"Now, that's just unnecessary." Going around, pointing out a person's... habits. What next, saying that Fitz likes turning things into stories so he doesn't have to think of them as things that have happened to him? This is exactly why it can be better to avoid making friends.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 06:29 pm (UTC)"Right! Anyway. I should let you get some breakfast down, and I need to get to Zero before Pagan thinks up any really good sarcastic one-liners to greet me with. But. Take care, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 07:05 pm (UTC)He grins. "Come on, you should let him have that much. Depriving a guy of his sarcastic one-liners. Try not to get overwhelmed by the massive Zero traffic."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 07:12 pm (UTC)With an easy shrug, he gets up, holding a hand out for Fitz's juice bottle. "Here, want me to toss that for you?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 07:21 pm (UTC)"You can tell Pagan you were enjoying the bounties of the Barge commissary. And I'll take a nap. Should get some actual sleep... No doubt I'll have no choice but to see you around." Still, there are worse people. Even if Yunlan is pushy and doesn't have enough respect for not talking about things.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 07:35 pm (UTC)