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[everythinglost]

Call for a good time

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[everythinglost]

"You have to know! You know, the ones where they start out where these people have a house that probably has some issues or whatever but is a place that people would live, and for a mere few thousand dollars they turn it into a total nightmare."

He takes another drink, thoughtful.

"I suppose those shows where the worst people ever try to find just the right place for them to live also count. Those are also great."

[crab_rangoon]

"Oh! Yes. The ones where they turn the house into a place that is absolutely unsuited for habitation or, at the very least, too expensive for the poor saps living in it?"

He laughs. "I gave up on those. Their taste is atrocious. One time I saw them turn this beautiful cottage into the blandest tribute to Western beige trends that I've ever seen."

[everythinglost]

"That's exactly it!" He'd been almost certain that they had to overlap with Pagan's time. "I saw this one where this couple had inherited a decent sized place out in the woods and near this really pretty lake so they rented it during the summer months. A hundred dollars a something - obviously, I wouldn't have paid that much to rent a place, because that's what breaking an entering are for, and there were some weird design choices but it was a place human people would chose to stay for a nice vacation and even maybe like that they could go 'oh hey remember that place with that really ugly rug that was out by the lake?' And then the TV people were like 'we shall transform this into a place that you can rent for much more money. Let me just say, maybe the benefit is that I'd think a bit about whether I'd want to even break and enter to stay a night. Even if the other option was the woods. Absolutely hideous."

He shakes his head, snickering at the memory.

"Best replacement for horror films I've found. Cooking shows are generally more entertaining, and involve more swearing at people on screen, but that moment when they present the house, now 'fixed'..."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan is absolutely tickled by this description. Now that the awkwardness is behind him, now that there's no strangeness, Pagan knows he's a little looser with his amusement. A little freer with his laugh.

Or maybe it's the alcohol.

"Jesus Christ. I do remember one where they brought the poor lady inside the home and she cried. And not tears of joy, either. Cried tears of hysterics because they used all of her least favorite colors! No one bothered to ask her. She made it as far as the washroom before she was sobbing!"

[everythinglost]

"You could see these people's wonder. Four hundred dollars a month instead of a just a hundred! A whole new world opening up! And then the designer guy just winds up and fucking punches through one of their walls. It was amazing."

Alcohol combined with a release of tension is a very pleasant combination.

"Ha, yes, the ones where they show the poor owners around afterwards and it's watching their increasing despair... The ones who manage to keep up a brave face are pretty good too. Gets to be like a dare, who'll break first on all white carpeting being what you want for every room in a house."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan laughs again, letting himself just enjoy the moment. "Alright, it's settled. You and I need to take over Lark's cabin one evening. We'll just watch them for a while. It's better than the common room because no one bothers us. Unless it's Steve or the guy with the metal arm. Sometimes Anita."

And he's pretty sure he can get Anita to join in, even if she also won't drink with them.

[everythinglost]

Fitz raises his bottle in salute to that plan. "Definitely not as able to be bothered as in a common room, but he does let people just wander through. I suppose having another cabin to go to helps for that. Which one is Anita?"

[crab_rangoon]

"The vampire slayer!" he laughs. "But yes, he uses that cabin as a place for inmates to come and go. His little pet inmates, like me! Who would like to take showers in private."

[everythinglost]

"For all I know, half the people here could be vampire slayers. This could actually be an anti-vampire slayer prison. That could be what gives the Admiral that smug git vibe." He's not a huge fan of vampires. "That sounds nice. The showers here aren't bad and I've had worse privacy situations but showers where people have been killed automatically lose points."

[crab_rangoon]

"This is why you need to make friends with wardens or fuck wardens. Or...both, I suppose. Either way, you get showers."

He grins. "Try it."

[everythinglost]

"Oh, I definitely do both. Though the second can be a bit trickier 'cause of all the ones who are in 'relationships'. Which is too bad because you can comment either way, but it's easier to get someone to change their shower around if you're having sex. I just get lazy. And there's no warden on my floor I'd fuck."

Thinking about this is the whole reason he has any clue who's on his floor.

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan regards him with a look. "Which wardens are you fucking, Fitz?" he laughs.

Who would be that stupid?

Which Pagan does not regard as a self-burn.

[everythinglost]

"Taura."

Who he thinks is pretty great, but would still agree that dating him isn't the best idea. For many reasons. But people make worse decisions everyday. He smiles, fondly.

"She has a great shower."

[crab_rangoon]

Taura. The tall one that isn't quite human. Got it.

"I'll keep that in mind," he laughs. "Though I don't think I want to get that invested in wardens. Mine is good enough."

He is not thinking of Kiryu in that moment. Almost as if blocking the whole breach nonsense out. "At least the Brew is in there. That's all I give a shit about. Somewhere quiet."

[everythinglost]

"I find it's usually easy not to even find out. Except for the ones that are 'assigned' to me, but those ones always fuck off." Giving him everything he wants. Fitz doesn't have anything against wardens, as a group, except when related to part of their function as a group.

"Yeah, that lady - Tess - mentioned that. In this prison, I don't even question that it'd probably stay pretty quiet. But if I'm not dedicated to the noble pursuit of getting blackout in my room, I like a little noise when I'm drinking."

[crab_rangoon]

He finishes his second drink and puts his glass aside, already feeling fuzzy. "Why does it sound so goddamn ridiculous when you call this place a prison?" he mutters.

[everythinglost]

"Because I imbue it with the ridicule I feel at calling it a prison? Or, more likely, it's just the difficulty that comes from having to imagine me in prison. The concepts just don't fit."

[crab_rangoon]

"That must be it, yes," he agrees. "You in a prison is ridiculous. I should show you Durgesh one day. Spectacular view. Terrible prison."

[everythinglost]

"It just goes against everything that a person automatically thinks when they see me." He nods. "I like a nice view. As long as the whole hallucinations and seeing demons thing isn't a required part. Been there, done that, very few views pretty enough to make up for it."

He remembers the stories Pagan tells him.

[crab_rangoon]

He does appreciate not having to repeat himself. "No, no. That's only with Yuma's drugs. The prison itself is fine." He laughs.

"You will need a coat. And preferably one that isn't denim. Or leather."

[everythinglost]

"Fantastic, I'll put it on my calendar, than."

He laughs, too. "Hey! I don't wear denim jackets. That's a totally different look." That he spends any time cultivating any sort of look might come as a surprise. "And I've been on mountains before. Sometimes wearing a leather jacket, yeah, but only when no one told me we were going to be on a mountain."

[crab_rangoon]

"You don't get told much, do you?" he challenges, raising his eyebrows. Landing on a mountain in a leather jacket seems awfully terrible.

And dangerous, depending on the season.

[everythinglost]

"There are some occasional omissions. One problem with getting a ride with someone who really, really can't drive. Ooh, I can wear the yeti coat. I saw that had ended up in my wardrobe here."

[crab_rangoon]

Pagan just gives him a long look.

"You...that's a brand, isn't it? Please tell me that's a brand and not an actual...yeti...."

With Fitz, though, there's no telling.

[everythinglost]

Fitz pauses, thinking it over.

"I think it was the coat worn wile fighting yeti. In the Himalayas, or somewhere around there. But the yeti are robots so they might share... manufacture. It's very warm."