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[everythinglost]

Call for a good time

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[todayiwas]

Oh, no. Not at all. I was taking a nap.

Can I come and see you? I don't want to be alone.

[everythinglost]

You're never gonna get me to say no to that.

I'll count the minutes till I see you again. [He blows her a kiss.]

[todayiwas]

It takes only a few minutes, but she's knocking at his door, standing outside, feeling a little paranoid.

[everythinglost]

Fitz is quick to open the door, greeting her with a smile and kiss.

"Do you want some tea? I have the kettle 'round somewhere..."

[todayiwas]

Seeing him like this, seeing him here, she feels that unfamiliar feeling in her chest. The one that tears her apart.

"No," she tells him and takes his hand. "No, I wanted to - to talk to you."

[everythinglost]

Fitz is less automatically wary than if it was just 'I want to talk', which allows him enough room to worry over her.

"Of course." He squeezes her hand. "What about?"

[todayiwas]

So much had led her to this door. It wasn't simply worry for his safety. It wasn't simply wanting to be with him. She had been stewing and ruminating and fretting about this decision for a while. She had played it again and again in her mind and she knew that this was going to be painful but...necessary. Maybe it started with her conversation with Maelle. Maybe she realized how much she had changed.

Maybe she wanted this to be real.

She squeezes his hand. "Do you remember when you were so badly hurt during the...the terrible time when the nightmares came from shadows?"

[everythinglost]

Fitz frowns a moment, searching through his mental Rolodex of times he's been badly hurt. It's a long list, and he's learned not to dwell on these things.

"You mean when that idiot summoned up parts of hell or whatever because he didn't remember the first rule of magic?" He firmly places the blame for that experience on Hanna.

[todayiwas]

She doesn't laugh. She just grits her teeth a little.

"Yes," she says. "But I remember. I was the one who hurt...you. I did it because I wanted to. Because I let the madness take me in and it felt...good. But it doesn't now. It hasn't for a while. I hate myself for what I did to you."

[everythinglost]

Fitz needs a moment to process that, because it's not something he's thought about. He doesn't like thinking about getting hurt, under any circumstances. He folds those memories away. The most he thought of it was to be glad that Madelyne healed him so he could better avoid thinking of it as there was no one to bring it up. If he had been found by someone less ready to let things lie...

If he had been left like that (blinded and in agonizing pain that helped wipe out any thought whether it was a who or a what behind it) -

"You know, that was almost exactly a year ago." He needs a further moment to process what he feels about it. He looks up again to meet her eyes. "You wouldn't do it again."

[todayiwas]

When he looks at her, she's crying. Soft and quiet, but crying nonetheless. She wipes them away as soon as she notices him looking, not wanting him to feel an ounce of pity for her.

"Never," she tells him firmly. "I was - a different person a year ago. I didn't understand anything. It doesn't make it right, though. I know. I have caused you so much pain, Fitz. When all I want is to make you happy."

[everythinglost]

She can’t stop him from feeling pity, because he loves her.

Maybe it would be different if she had come to him sooner. Maybe it would be different if she wasn’t telling him herself.

Fitz does do his best to close himself away from pain. But he hadn’t known, not in any way that mattered. They’re so much closer now. They had spoken of the things that had shaped them. They had spoken on violence. Perhaps their closeness having contained this secret should make Fitz less forgiving, but he is who he is.

He cares enough to think about it before answering.

“You do make me happy. I don’t believe you’d hurt me again, and that matters a lot. I know you care.” He pauses a moment. “I love you.” That’s still just as true now.

[todayiwas]

"I love you," she assures him in return. "I love you enough that if you want...time or space or to end this, I would understand."

And she would. There would be no tantrums. No anger. Only acceptance.

[everythinglost]

"I know you do." He believes her and, more importantly, he believes in her. His faith is rarely bestowed, but none the weaker for that.

He steps forward, to take her hand again. "I don't. We are who we are now, and this doesn't change that. But I'm glad you told me."

[todayiwas]

She wraps her arms tightly around him then and finally does start to cry, burying her face in his shirt.

"You are awful!" she laments, feeling secure enough to be dramatic. "You should hate me!"

[everythinglost]

He olds her tight.

"What can I say? I'm an unrepentant villain. Too busy tying people to railroad tracks and trying to grow a mustache to twirl to hate you."

[todayiwas]

"I don't get that reference!" she all but wails, still holding him close. But she toys with the hair at the npe of his neck, unable to help the wet little giggle at the end of her complaint.

"Do you still want me to stay?" she wonders.

[everythinglost]

"I live a very exciting life." Not everyone gets to see cartoons in real life. He could've skipped the dynamite more than the railroad tracks, but he didn't enjoy either.

"I'd like you to."

[todayiwas]

"Will you make me that tea now?" she wonders, but like most Justine requests, it isn't really a request.

[everythinglost]

He kisses the top of her head. "Just cos it's you." He can't say 'never change', because he thinks there have been plenty of positive changes. But he loves her and her not-really-requests and times of aristocratic self-centeredness as much as he loves the rest.

[todayiwas]

She kisses his hand and finally lets herself wander inside to flop dramatically into a chair to wait.

"I can't believe Sebastian did this."

[everythinglost]

Fitz looks rather dubious at that, as he goes to start the kettle.

"I can't say I find it a huge shock."

[todayiwas]

"Well, you have always had a rather interesting read on people," she remarks.

[everythinglost]

"You have to learn quick, or suffer." He turns to grin at her. "Once you have the instinct, then you can make a choice. But butlers are very suspicious."

[todayiwas]

"I've had plenty of them," she says, waving a hand. "They are not suspicious or they do not last long."