"I wouldn't say I don't care what happens after I leave," Yunlan says, considering the question. He slumps deeper into the chair and hitches one leg up over the arm of it to swing his foot more freely. "Just that every one of us does what we can with what we have where we are at the time. So that's my grand ambition! Do that little bit of good -- do my job well.
"And if there's a lot to keep working on, I'll try to set someone up to take it over when I've got to go."
"I hope that's written on a poster somewhere in your office. Make sure people make motivated and on task." Yunlan's questionable ability to sit on a chair properly is often a little comforting. Brings back pleasant memories of a number of friends who hadn't believed in the tyranny of sitting on things like a normal person.
"That's one of the problems with the big self-sacrifice play, in my opinion. Say you're out there, doing that little bit of good, doing your job like an overly driven, somewhat controlling bastard who probably spends way too much time at work. I mean, doing the job well. Then the dramatic moment comes and a sacrifice is necessary 'cause otherwise no one's doing anything, but when the pieces settle, there's a future again but lacking a someone into repeatedly trying to help."
"Eh, it's too long for a good slogan! I usually stick with 'Do your damn job.'"
He swings his foot absently, half-tied shoelaces dangling in a way that would've dragged his cat out from under the bed with murder in her heart. Luckily, Fitz doesn't seem to host any murderous feline roommates.
"And... that's what planning ahead is for, you know? If you've got a whole world-saving organization set up but it'll fall apart if the guy running it gets hit by a bus, or, say, takes a bullet for whatever reason, that's not much of an organization."
He shrugs, smiling crookedly. He can't deny the 'controlling bastard who spends too much time at work' line: it's featured in one too many break-up speeches to be fully doubted.
"It sounds like you and Anji and the Doctor have kind of a tiny band of heroes routine going?"
He slumps down further in his chair, picking at the label on the now empty bottle of fruit juice.
"It's not like that." It's hard to try to explain what it is like, but sometimes it's worth the effort to try to make someone understand. Even if they don't understand all of it. "The Doctor's a hero, but it's in being, not action. He does a lot of heroic stuff, too, but he has that presence when just hanging around. Like a hero from the old stories, where it's not about good or bad, but that his actions are just - bigger. And Anji generally gets into doing the right thing because of morals, and because she gets irritated at people not meeting standards. But the 'routine' is just a few friends, traveling."
"Mm." His foot keeps moving restlessly. "Well... you know, I'm kind of against the whole dramatic self-sacrifice routine myself. I won't deny I'm into that whole helping out and doing what's right bit, but I'd prefer to work things so the world sucks a little less and I still get to live in it."
With his team, and the people he loves, ideally. He tilts his head to give Fitz a sidelong glance.
"Seems like you wind up getting into helping out with whatever the Doctor needs done a lot yourself? Just based on some of those stories you've told me."
Overall, Fitz has nothing against dramatic self-sacrifice - as long as it's not someone he likes. It's a good story, and he likes good stories. Some people are more valuable in death, or, at least, their deaths don't deprive the world of that much. Personally, he's almost died for the world a few times, and is happy to have (mostly) not died from it, for purely selfish reasons.
"Sure, he needs someone he can trust. You can fill in the blank with your own joke about his questionable standards."
"If he's looking for someone he can trust, I don't think he could do better," Yunlan says casually. "I'm just saying, if you three are all out there changing worlds and changing history, 'heroes' might just apply.
"I don't think you only get to count as one if you're larger than life. It's more about what you do, you know? And I've totally forgotten where we were going with this conversation," he adds.
"Plenty of people wouldn't agree with you. Most of them didn't even meet me in prison. And hero is all about other people's subjective opinion. What you do might be objectively good or bad," though he's making a real concession in saying that, "But heroism is a construct."
He shrugs. "Don't ask me, I never go anywhere with conversations." He flicks a rolled up piece of label at Yunlan. "Only one of us here goes around having ulterior motives about things."
"Well that's just a lie," Yunlan laughs, raising a hand to defend himself against the flying label chunk. "It's just that your ulterior motive is usually the baffle 'em with bullshit variety. And I just meant that nobody who's talked to you for five minutes'd think your loyalty to the Doctor is ever in question."
"That's not an ulterior motive, it's a lifestyle." It's like lying, he doesn't think it can be called for an ulterior motive if it's just an automatic response. "Practically everyone's loyal to something." Loyalty to the Doctor drives many of his actions, but, more than that, it's a fundamental part of who he is. The only part of himself he trusts in. That makes it something he wants people to know, yet, for reasons he couldn't articulate, sometimes finds difficult to acknowledge when it's pointed out.
"It's still an ulterior motive even if you don't have a long-term plan for it, Fitz," Yunlan assures him. "And you know how I know you're really, truly loyal to him?"
He points a dramatic finger without bothering to sit up from his boneless slouch, waiting for Fitz's answer.
Fitz stares blankly at him for a long moment, the question distracting him from disagreeing on the principle of enjoying pointless debates. How you can know if someone's actually loyal to something or not isn't something he tends to think about.
Fitz throws another piece of label at him, trying for a scowl but just ending up at 'sulky'.
"Now, that's just unnecessary." Going around, pointing out a person's... habits. What next, saying that Fitz likes turning things into stories so he doesn't have to think of them as things that have happened to him? This is exactly why it can be better to avoid making friends.
"But true." With a great huff of breath, he hauls himself back upright, dropping both of his feet onto the floor and considering Fitz. "...So. Meds kicked in? Feeling a little better?"
"I might not be." A stunning defense. He rubs his head. "Yeah. Thanks for that. Good thing the bar's nice and open, or I could've ended up with real damage from bootleg prison gin."
"Oof, don't tell me if there's bootleg prison gin, or if there is, at least tell me someone's testing that shit for methanol," Yunlan groans. "The last thing we need is a rash of poisonings."
"There probably is, people are into that sort of thing. But I wouldn't really know, because I'm not into getting poisoned or 'community'." He grins. "Aren't some of the new cases of teenage rebellion into magic or something? If kids today had real enterprising spirit, you'd see people poisoned all over."
"Thank you, Fitz, I needed new possible sources of gross bodily harm to worry about," Yunlan says with sincere and deep sarcasm, and scrubs both hands briefly over his face.
"Right! Anyway. I should let you get some breakfast down, and I need to get to Zero before Pagan thinks up any really good sarcastic one-liners to greet me with. But. Take care, okay?"
"I'm here to serve. And without any idea of how long the sentence is gonna be."
He grins. "Come on, you should let him have that much. Depriving a guy of his sarcastic one-liners. Try not to get overwhelmed by the massive Zero traffic."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-06-04 01:57 pm (UTC)He finishes off the weird juice with one last gulp and leans back into the chair, eyeing Fitz.
"But that doesn't mean making somebody's life a little better doesn't matter."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-04 06:15 pm (UTC)"Maybe it matters, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing. One day of your life being better can make the rest worse."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-04 08:05 pm (UTC)He hitches up one shoulder in a little shrug.
"I mean, you can try, but that way lies madness and getting burned out as fuck.."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 07:24 pm (UTC)"It's not like I really care what happens when I leave. I'm not the one in this - whatever 'this' is, to make people's lives better."
If he has nothing else, he can always have his claims not to care.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-21 07:38 pm (UTC)"And if there's a lot to keep working on, I'll try to set someone up to take it over when I've got to go."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 07:04 pm (UTC)"That's one of the problems with the big self-sacrifice play, in my opinion. Say you're out there, doing that little bit of good, doing your job like an overly driven, somewhat controlling bastard who probably spends way too much time at work. I mean, doing the job well. Then the dramatic moment comes and a sacrifice is necessary 'cause otherwise no one's doing anything, but when the pieces settle, there's a future again but lacking a someone into repeatedly trying to help."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 08:32 pm (UTC)He swings his foot absently, half-tied shoelaces dangling in a way that would've dragged his cat out from under the bed with murder in her heart. Luckily, Fitz doesn't seem to host any murderous feline roommates.
"And... that's what planning ahead is for, you know? If you've got a whole world-saving organization set up but it'll fall apart if the guy running it gets hit by a bus, or, say, takes a bullet for whatever reason, that's not much of an organization."
He shrugs, smiling crookedly. He can't deny the 'controlling bastard who spends too much time at work' line: it's featured in one too many break-up speeches to be fully doubted.
"It sounds like you and Anji and the Doctor have kind of a tiny band of heroes routine going?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 08:55 pm (UTC)He slumps down further in his chair, picking at the label on the now empty bottle of fruit juice.
"It's not like that." It's hard to try to explain what it is like, but sometimes it's worth the effort to try to make someone understand. Even if they don't understand all of it. "The Doctor's a hero, but it's in being, not action. He does a lot of heroic stuff, too, but he has that presence when just hanging around. Like a hero from the old stories, where it's not about good or bad, but that his actions are just - bigger. And Anji generally gets into doing the right thing because of morals, and because she gets irritated at people not meeting standards. But the 'routine' is just a few friends, traveling."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 09:04 pm (UTC)With his team, and the people he loves, ideally. He tilts his head to give Fitz a sidelong glance.
"Seems like you wind up getting into helping out with whatever the Doctor needs done a lot yourself? Just based on some of those stories you've told me."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 09:54 pm (UTC)"Sure, he needs someone he can trust. You can fill in the blank with your own joke about his questionable standards."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:28 pm (UTC)"I don't think you only get to count as one if you're larger than life. It's more about what you do, you know? And I've totally forgotten where we were going with this conversation," he adds.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:35 pm (UTC)He shrugs. "Don't ask me, I never go anywhere with conversations." He flicks a rolled up piece of label at Yunlan. "Only one of us here goes around having ulterior motives about things."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 10:58 pm (UTC)He points a dramatic finger without bothering to sit up from his boneless slouch, waiting for Fitz's answer.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 11:05 pm (UTC)"...No?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 11:23 pm (UTC)That's the sign of a really genuine Fitz emotion.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-22 11:36 pm (UTC)"Now, that's just unnecessary." Going around, pointing out a person's... habits. What next, saying that Fitz likes turning things into stories so he doesn't have to think of them as things that have happened to him? This is exactly why it can be better to avoid making friends.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 06:29 pm (UTC)"Right! Anyway. I should let you get some breakfast down, and I need to get to Zero before Pagan thinks up any really good sarcastic one-liners to greet me with. But. Take care, okay?"
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 07:05 pm (UTC)He grins. "Come on, you should let him have that much. Depriving a guy of his sarcastic one-liners. Try not to get overwhelmed by the massive Zero traffic."
no subject
Date: 2022-06-23 07:12 pm (UTC)With an easy shrug, he gets up, holding a hand out for Fitz's juice bottle. "Here, want me to toss that for you?"
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