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[everythinglost]

Call for a good time

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Re: cw for talking (somewhat around) suicide/worries about

[everythinglost]

“I’ve always been skeptical of that. In vino… drama, or something, I don’t speak Latin.”

Re: cw for talking (somewhat around) suicide/worries about

[wildguardian]

"I learned about ten phrases to make me sound smart," Yunlan assures him. "I can't speak it either. But hey, alcohol does way too good a job of turning off the brain-to-mouth filter if you let it. Believe me, I've been at a lot of shitty after-work parties with superior officers, and they say the damndest things four or five rounds in."

[everythinglost]

"See, I don't believe in turning on a brain-to-mouth filter. If I'm not willing to say stupid shit when I'm sober, then what's the point of not caring about saying stupid shit? I have to say, just in terms of work, beyond the actual 'work' part, few things more horrifying than the thought of having to finish up and then still go to a party with my boss." He does a quick mental list of various times he's been employed. "Besides, the people I've worked for are usually willing to say whatever they want to people who have to answer to them. But I've heard that some places have policies about that."

[wildguardian]

"Please. We all have a brain-to-mouth filter," Yunlan says with an expansive wave of one hand. "If it's not for filtering out the stupid shit, it's for filtering the embarrassing shit, or the shit you're afraid no one will look at you the same again if they hear.

"And I have been to so many work parties." He shudders theatrically. "Truly, the curse of management is having to butter up all the assholes who need to sign off on your budget."

[everythinglost]

"Solid point. I split mine between choosing when to say I find someone attractive and not insulting people who have knives. Unfortunately, that doesn't leave room for solid control over saying weird shit."

Fitz shudders, a little less theatrically. "You know, traveling with the Doc can be a risk to life, limb, and sanity - but there are zero work parties. All the temporary bosses I hate generally ending up in prison. Free room and board, plus any other stuff I might want... I always thought life as a kept man seemed very appealing."

[wildguardian]

"I was going to say 'because there's no work,' but it sounds more like it's because any odd jobs you get don't last all that long.

"Truly there are worse things than being a kept man!"

[everythinglost]

"And they usually end pretty spectacularly. Were you ever interested in a job other than 'cop'?"

[wildguardian]

"I did some odd jobs here and there in college," Yunlan says with a shrug. "Bartender, convenience store clerk. But no -- I always knew I wanted to go into the police force."

As much as he hates thinking of it this way, he is following in his father's footsteps.

[everythinglost]

Fitz takes another drink, not getting any closer to deciding how he'd describe the flavor. "I was going to say something about doing the same job as your dad, but I don't actually know what my dad did. I think he might have been in prison once, so any comment about following father's trail could be hypocritical."

[wildguardian]

"Yeah, yeah," Yunlan says with a huff. "When I was a kid I thought it was the most important job in the world, when I grew up I just figured someone ought to try doing a good job at it instead of a shitty one, but I never changed my mind about doing the job."

[everythinglost]

"My mum taught music, when she wasn't sick. I'm pretty sure I thought it was the most important job in the world. Of course, in my case, I was correct. Still, you always sound like you enjoy it." Perhaps especially in the nature of his complaints.

[wildguardian]

"Yeah, to tell the truth, I really do." And he's not entirely over the childhood idealism of thinking it's the most important job in the world to make sure that people are safe and they get justice.

"... Though teaching music's not a bad life choice, too."

[everythinglost]

"My aunt was weirdly convinced it was a sign of a life of moral degeneracy or something. She'd be all, this sort of thing is exactly why your son is like this and mum was all, birds give you a lot of experience as a parent, do they, Beryl, and it was another Christmas where the options were sit through that fight or go listen to grandpa describe his dreams about caves. I can't say I ever wanted siblings."

[wildguardian]

"Every day I feel more gratitude to be a member of a small family."

Awkward sibling fights between your parents and their brothers or sisters would probably have livened up his teenage years, but not in a good way.

[everythinglost]

"Extended relations are a nightmare. And then you're not allowed to say that, even if they've been shouting at each other for the last three hours. I think there's actually quite a bit to be said for not having people who've known you from childhood." People who've known him for only a few years already have more than enough ammunition.

"Do you think it's been good, overall? The cop thing."

[wildguardian]

"Actually, yeah. I won't say there's not some bad bits -- and not just having to butter up the brass; you see a lot of dead bodies in my line of work and some of 'em might be dead because you fucked up. Long hours, tough to keep a relationship going with anyone who's not working the same job. Lots of paperwork and after you arrest the bad guy it's out of your hands whether actual justice gets done.

"But it's a job where your decisions make a real difference. You're out there meeting people on their worst day and getting them to the other side of it. You get to make sure that everyone gets a fair shot at justice, and everyone can access the protection of the law against those who hurt them. I'll do a lot of ass-kissing to make sure I can keep doing that if I have to," he adds, with a half-smirk.

It's possible he hasn't gotten over his childhood idealism at all.

[everythinglost]

Fitz squints at him for a few moments, before shaking his head. "Possibly it's the personal lack of idealism - or morals, but I don't how all you people who're into those sorts of things can just say shit like that."

[wildguardian]

"Just because the world's shit doesn't mean you can't work to make it slightly less shit," Yunlan says, smirk widening into a crooked smile. "Is that better?"

[everythinglost]

"That's just as bad. A change of words, maybe, but the same spirit."

[wildguardian]

"Hard to disagree with, though, in my opinion," Yunlan muses. "There's a lot of ways to make the world slightly less shit."

[everythinglost]

"Sure, but it's just moments. And I think slightly less shit moments are great, but it's all castles in the sand."

[wildguardian]

"Sure. Everything's temporary. Lives are temporary."

He finishes off the weird juice with one last gulp and leans back into the chair, eyeing Fitz.

"But that doesn't mean making somebody's life a little better doesn't matter."

[everythinglost]

Fitz looks down at the table, instead of at Yunlan.

"Maybe it matters, but I'm not sure if that's a good thing. One day of your life being better can make the rest worse."

[wildguardian]

"Sometimes, sure. Or it can push you to make a change. You can't really control what happens to people after you move on."

He hitches up one shoulder in a little shrug.

"I mean, you can try, but that way lies madness and getting burned out as fuck.."

[everythinglost]

He shrugs.

"It's not like I really care what happens when I leave. I'm not the one in this - whatever 'this' is, to make people's lives better."

If he has nothing else, he can always have his claims not to care.